Avoiding Parental Burnout
Whether you are a working or a stay-at-home parent, have one child or multiple, juggling the demands of parenthood with additional everyday duties and responsibilities can be overwhelming. If you’re not careful, trying to juggle it all could lead to experiences of parental burnout. Parental burnout is described as extreme physical and emotional exhaustion or fatigue to the point where you feel worn out. It has often been described as falling between stress and depression. In addition to feeling very exhausted, parental burnout can manifest in many ways. Some common signs or symptoms of parental burnout include:
Feeling as though you have reached your breaking point (and “can’t take it anymore”)
Emotional distance or detachment from your children and their day-to-day lives
Parental guilt—feeling as though you are not good enough, feeling guilty for the lack of enjoyment you may feel towards parenthood
Physical symptoms such as headaches and increased experiences of common colds
Loneliness
Feeling as though you are in survival mode
If you are someone who has experienced—or is currently experiencing—parental burnout, don’t be alarmed. Parental Burnout is a common experience. This is likely due to the commonality of risk factors associated with parental burnout, such as:
The size of your family: typically, the more children you have can increase your chances of experiencing parental burnout
The age and development stage of your child/children: parents are more likely to experience exhaustion when their child or children are in infancy
Support systems: lower access or lack of support systems increases risk of emotional exhaustion
These are just some factors associated with parental burnout that are common in today’s modern families. Sometimes though, knowing something exists isn’t as helpful as knowing that you are not alone and that others have experienced what you are currently going through. Pickles and Ice Cream Georgia understands this and has invited two of our writers, Adiba and Erin, to share their experiences relating to parental burnout, and some tips they have learned along the way to overcome or lessen parental burnout. Let’s hear from our writers!
Erin:
I’m a mother of two who is impacted by physical disability, so my experience with burnout has more to do with the endurance that is so often a “prerequisite” to parenthood. Moreover, I struggled mightily with postpartum mood disorders following the births of both of my children, so burnout became something that I have been spontaneously avoiding and experiencing for the better part of the last three and a half years. Though my husband is a wonderful support person for me and my children, my experience has often been manifestations of the classic guilt that we all feel, at least from time to time, as parents. The fact that I want my children to see my expression of emotion but do not want them to internalize and imitate the things that they see and causes me to bottle up the emotions surrounding parental burnout. Working full-time from home gives me flexibility that I would not otherwise have to be available for my children. One of the more difficult aspects of the work-from-home environment for me has been that my home has the potential to turn into a breeding ground to foster burnout like none other.
Adiba:
As a stay-at-home mom to my 19-month-old son, I’ve felt the weight of parental burnout, especially as I look to get back into the workforce. My husband works from home but is tied up in meetings most of the day, which leaves me managing most of the day-to-day responsibilities with our son. Thankfully, my in-laws live with us and offer some help. But even with their support, the constant demands of parenting and the desire to balance everything can feel overwhelming. There are days when I feel completely drained like I'm pouring from an empty cup with little time for myself to recharge.
Now that you’ve heard about their experiences, let’s hear some steps they have taken to overcome parental burnout…
Adiba:
It's been a challenging journey but recognizing that burnout is a part of this phase of life has been crucial. Even when help is available, asking for help and carving out small moments for self-care has made a big difference in my energy and outlook. I’m learning that it's okay not to have it all figured out and that reaching out for support, whether from family or friends, is key to finding balance again.
Through my experience with parental burnout, I’ve picked up a few strategies that have made a real difference. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is the importance of setting boundaries, even at home. With my husband working from home, it's easy for his meetings to take over our day. We’ve had to create clear communication about when I need a break or when he can step in for a while, even if it’s just for 15 minutes. Those short breaks give me a moment to recharge, which has helped me feel more grounded.
Another game-changer has been embracing flexibility. With a 19-month-old, things rarely go as planned, and I’ve had to let go of the idea that everything needs to be perfect. Whether it's the house being a little messy or dinner not being on time, I've learned that giving myself grace is crucial. I also try to make time for activities that bring me joy, even if it's just a few minutes a day—whether that’s reading a book, going for a walk, or just sitting quietly with a cup of tea. Little moments of self-care really add up. Lastly, I’ve realized the value of leaning on my in-laws more, such as allowing them to help with my son so I can take a breather without feeling guilty. All these small adjustments have made a big impact in helping me manage burnout and find more balance in my everyday life.
Erin:
When burnout strikes, it is vital for parents and other caregivers to have an established toolbelt of coping mechanisms and strategies to avoid creating more complex issues that could harbor longer-lasting difficulties. Some of the strategies that I have employed and have been most successful include all-important hobbies. Hobbies allow parents to “come back to themselves”. Sometimes, it is impossible to ask for time off work. In this instance, if it is an event for which parents are asked to contribute supplies or volunteer time, I, a working parent, can contribute in those ways. Broadly, I have learned that it isn’t about being present and available in the same ways all the time or in traditional ways. It is about feeling satisfied with a contribution and contributing in ways that are meaningful to an individual parent. Ultimately, the stress of being absent from work is eliminated in the above example, which, in turn, leads to a decreased likelihood that burnout will be present. One of the more helpful practices I have enacted as my children are nearing the end of the baby stage is understanding that the more “things”, whether it be toys or other things around the house, in their environment, the more likely it is that children, and by definition, their parents, are overstimulated, which is another leading cause of burnout. Overstimulation often leads to a lack of sleep, which is also prime territory, where burnouts are likely. The tips I’ve received surrounding burnout are often ways to manage the factors that contribute to burnout more efficiently rather than ways to manage it.
Avoiding parental burnout, or taking steps to decrease parental burnout, is essential for the well-being of you and your family. As our writers have mentioned, it is okay to ask for help. Rely on your support system! And if you find that you don’t have a support system, there are many places you can go to find your tribe—church or places of worship, support groups like “Mommy and me,” social media groups such as mom groups on Facebook…the possibilities are endless! Parenting is hard, but by taking steps to eliminate stress where you can, you can make it a bit easier!
Written by: Erin Gill, Adiba Hussain, MPH, and Tamiah Daniel, BSW