Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
Bringing your little one home from the hospital is a whirlwind moment. Some families are lucky enough to have both parents home right after delivery as everyone adjusts to a different routine. As the new normal begins to settle in, many families are faced with a tough decision – whether both parents will return to work. The decision between returning to work or staying home as a parent is highly personal and influenced by various factors, including financial considerations, personal values, career aspirations, and the needs of the family.1
Traditionally, mothers were the parents designated to remain at home as the children grew through adolescence, while fathers returned to work to earn and provide for the family. However, as social factors shifted, so did the structure of the modern family. The category of stay-at-home (SAH) mothers includes mothers who are at home in order to care for their families, are unable to find work, are disabled, or are in school.1 After a long-term decline in SAH mothers that persisted through the last three decades, there has been a rise in the share of mothers who do not work outside the home over the past ten years.1
Although Americans generally continue to support SAH parents, social standards have become more supportive of working mothers.1 A recent Pew Research Center study noted that 60% of respondents believe children are better off with a parent who stays home to focus on the family, compared to 35% who believe children benefit equally from both parents working.1 These ideals vary across genders and racial groups with more men supporting SAH mothers than women and more Hispanics being more supportive of a SAH parent than whites and blacks.1
Both working parents and SAH parents often face societal stigmas, though these stigmas manifest differently based on their choices.1 Many women who return to work immediately after maternity leave face social judgment. They are looked at as placing their careers (in some cases themselves) over their families. A notion that doesn’t align with the values of traditional gender roles.
In today’s post-COVID world, more women are returning to the workforce. However, almost 75% of them report experiencing stigma on their return.2 It has been suggested that this stigma persists because of the minimal social and financial value placed on “executive functioning,” meaning the skills required to organize and execute tasks.3
There is a common misconception that female employees can either be warm or competent, not both. Women who SAH are likely to be warm, therefore they cannot be competent.2 This notion is completely false. Some common misperceptions of SAH parents are:
Have it easy3
Lazy3
Have little responsibility3
Bored being at home with their kids all day3
As society continues to reevaluate labor post-pandemic quarantine, it would be helpful to destigmatize SAH parents.3 Bringing their labor and its benefit for the family and society into the conversation could address some of the needs of today’s workforce.3
Many SAH parents feel their experience is undervalued, while others struggle with finding flexible positions that permit them to manage responsibilities in and out of the home. One of the primary sources of bias was in the hiring process as many faced questions about employment gaps on their resumes. This bias stems from a belief that those who remain home are more committed to their families than to work.2 Whether by choice or circumstance, most SAH parents are doing a combination of the following tasks almost daily:
Taking care of the kids3
Managing activities for the family3
Preparing meals3
Scheduling appointments3
Cleaning the home3
Doing laundry3
Managing family finances3
Several actions can be taken today to better support SAH parents in the workplace. First, start by recognizing that many SAH parents have aspirations outside of their families.3 Speak up in conversations where stigma exists and encourage others to think differently about the SAH skillset. Motivating SAH parents to be confident in themselves and their abilities is also important. Advocating for oneself in either scenario involves addressing these biases, emphasizing the positive aspects of their choices, and fostering understanding and support.1 Address the bias directly by highlighting skills that are strengthened as an SAH parent. For example, reference transferable skills that can be of great value within the workplace such as managing multiple schedules, balancing budgets, and coordinating across key partners.2 Employers can support SAH parents by supporting a good work-life balance through message and policy. This support must come from the highest levels of organizations.
Regardless of the end result, this decision is a difficult one driven by the needs of the family. Both groups would benefit from grace and understanding. We should aim to view people as whole individuals with many parts. Parents who return to work immediately after maternity/paternity leave are making a necessary sacrifice for their family. Affirm their decision and reassure them that their choice does not determine their capabilities as a parent.
It is important to remember that not all SAH parents wish to return to work. This is a choice that varies by individual and family circumstances. Recognizing the value of the work SAH parents do helps break the stigma they face. Celebrating milestones and accomplishments related to this environment can demonstrate to SAH parents that they are supported.
Written by: Candace Page, MPH
Reviewed by: Chini Sheth, MPH
References
Cohn, D., Livingston, G., Wang, W.(2014). After Decades of Decline, A Rise In Stay-at-Home Mothers. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2014/04/08/after-decades-of-decline-a-rise-in-stay-at-home-mothers/
Elsesser. K. (2023). At-Home Moms Face Bias When Returning To Work, Survey Shows. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/kimelsesser/2023/05/11/majority-of-stay-at-home-moms-face-bias-when-returning-to-work-survey-shows/?sh=2602a7bd75e3
Hargrove, N. (2022). It’s Time to Finally Ditch the Stigma Against Stay-at-Home Moms. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/stigma-stay-at-home-moms